I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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