I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
