chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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