it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
