Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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