Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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