I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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