I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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