I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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