Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize