I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
