matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
