Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
