We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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