youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
