i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
