Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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