she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
