I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
