Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
