R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
