tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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