forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Damn victory sex feels great
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
