The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
