I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
