she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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