no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
