I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
