You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
