I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
