Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize