i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
