So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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