whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
