Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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