I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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