She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize