Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
COCAINE IS GR8
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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