My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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