Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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