You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
