Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
