so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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