my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
