it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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