Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
