Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize