I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
