True but thats because hes a fetus.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
