please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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