it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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