i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
