Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
