I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
