Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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