I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
