My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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