by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
