All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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