My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
