saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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