i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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