no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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