you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
