Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
