I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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