The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
