Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
