I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
