We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
