bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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