when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
