her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize