Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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