I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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