I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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