Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
