I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
