hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
