i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ketchup is God's man juice
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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