didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
