Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
