this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
