I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
