one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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