You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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