I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
