So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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