i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize