LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
