I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
