What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
