I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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