i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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