what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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