I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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