you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
