I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
